Harry Potter and the Flying Pigs of Doom
by inuashaluv-r
Summary: you've heard the saying 'when pigs fly' meaning it'll never happen. in this story, pigs will fly and possibly defeat harry, ron, and hermione for good. Please,please,please,please,please,please,please,please review! hello? Pleeeeeeeze! :)


Disclaimer: I don't own anything….. Only in my dreams…. You should know that by now. OK?

It started on their first day at Hogwarts. The moment that the trio stepped through the double doors into the Great Hall, they started to see tiny pink pigs with large wings. The pigs had shining green eyes and long, sharp teeth. At the start-of-term feast, they pointed out the pigs to the older Weasley boys.

"Little flying pigs with pointy teeth and green eyes?" Fred asked disbelievingly. "When pigs fly!" He chuckled at his own pathetic joke. "I mean, really, you're just nervous. First say jitters!"

"Hey, Fred, didn't we see something weird on our first day, too?" George said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, Filch and Snape. But we still have to see them every day." Fred replied.

The twins kept babbling on about Snape and Filch and how they were the only weird things in the whole castle, the trio was still discussing the pigs.

"I wonder why no one else can see them?" Harry asked aloud.

"What? Scared, Potter?" A blonde Slytherin boy asked. This, of course, was Draco Malfoy. One of the evilest (and cutest) people you will ever meet at Hogwarts. "Ooh. Look at me! I'm Potty Wee Potter!"

Suddenly, a ghost known as Peeves floated by. "Hey! That's my line!"

"Sorry. I read the wrong line on the script." Draco muttered. "Well, that ruined the moment. As I was saying…. I'm famous for having a huge, ugly scar on my forehead! I live with a bunch of muggles! And I'm scared of a bunch of little pigs with wings and green glowing eyes!" He finished.

'You forgot the pointy teeth. Hey! You can see them too! We're not going crazy after all!" Harry said joyously. "Oh, and shove off, Malfoy. I'm not sc-scared!" He stuttered right as a pig dive-bombed him.

"Scaredy cat! Scaredy cat! MEOW!" Malfoy taunted.

"Well, if I'm a cat, what does that make you?" Harry took out his wand and pointed it at Malfoy.

"Hmmm…. What harm could it do?" Malfoy asked himself. "Well, okay. Let's duel!" He took out his wand and pointed it back at Harry.

"Blegahschnout!" Harry yelled. He was at a disadvantage, because he didn't know any spells, so he made up a spell.

It hit Malfoy straight in the chest. ("Ooooof!" He said.) Malfoy started to get all green and muscley. His nose became long and straight. He had a long ear (rather like a rabbit's) and a shorter cat ear with tufts of fur on top. A bright green eye and a glowing red eye shone with fury on either side of his long ferret nose.

"You'll pay for that, Potter!" He whispered menacingly. Or at least that was what he had meant to say, but his ferrety mouth prevented him from speaking human words, so all that came out was a series of high-pitched squeaks.

"Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!" He squeaked.

This caused Harry to turn into an animal with a snake's head, a tail shaped like an umbrella, elephant ears, and a body shaped like an apple with a red and white tablecloth pattern across it. He kept saying 'quack'.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Both boys turned around just in time to see Professor Snape walking toward them. "Five hundred house points for each of you!"

"YAY!" Harry and Malfoy squealed.

"Wait, don't you mean 'from each of you'?" Harry asked.

"Well, duh! Didn't you hear me?" Snape said stupidly.

"Yeah, but that's not what you said." Harry answered.

"Yes it is! Don't tell your teacher what to do!" Snape ordered.

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm telling you what you said." Harry retorted.

"Well I'm right and you're wrong, so there!" Snape said while putting on a mean face.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Snape answered.

"Really sure?"

"Yes."

Really, really sure?"

"Yes."

"Really, really, really, really, really….2 hours later….really, really sure?"

"Yes!"

"Reeeeeeally?"

"Yes already!"

Harry turns around and then turns back again. "Really?"

"YES!"

"Do you wear a thong over your grown-up diaper and hope no one notices?"

"YES! I…I mean no…." he trailed off. shifty eyes

"Well. That settles that then." Harry said. "HEY EVERYONE! SNAPE WEARS A THONG OVER HIS GROWN-UP DIAPER!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Mommy! I want Mr. Hugglekins! Waaaaaaah!" Snape cried as he ran away.

Then, a faint screeching sound filled their ears. The pigs gave a battle cry ("Hweeeeh!"). And they suddenly attacked.


End file.
